Please note that this is an Archived article and may contain content that is out of date. The use of she/her/hers pronouns in some articles is not intended to be exclusionary. Eating disorders can affect people of all genders, ages, races, religions, ethnicities, sexual orientations, body shapes, and weights.

By Quinn Nystrom, MS

We all know people who start putting up their holiday decorations and outdoor lights on November 1st and posting their Christmas magic on social media. They say that doing this makes them happier, and that can be true. The holidays can be overwhelming with the usual day-to-day grind and then adding everything that needs to get done for the holidays. We’re a week away from Christmas, and our outdoor decorations sit in a box by our front door.

I remember when I first learned about the concept of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) while I was in treatment for bulimia. DBT is a type of cognitive-behavioral therapy that focuses on the balance between acceptance and change. It was particularly helpful for me as I’ve always been a very black-and-white thinker. The idea of holding two opposite beliefs that can be equally true simultaneously was challenging for me to wrap my head around at first. However, it’s a skill I’ve found incredibly useful, especially during the holiday season when stress and emotions run high.

For the holidays, I have to work hard and be intentional to reach back into my DBT skills bag that I acquired at treatment. I’ll give you three examples of how I’ve done that in the past two weeks: managing family expectations, dealing with unexpected events, and coping with the absence of loved ones.

  1. Feeling overwhelmed with the quest for the perfect family picture, I finally let go of this ideal. Instead, I chose some of our favorite candid photos for the front and put funny outtakes on the back. It was a liberating moment, realizing that it’s OK to show people happy and funny pictures that are less than perfect. That’s life, and it’s OK.
  2. Our son’s 1st birthday is on New Year’s Eve. I was stressed with trying to get the invitation together and, one night, sat down at my computer to do it and then sent them off to print at Office Max. I was so proud that I had gotten this done that when I went to pick them up, I realized I had botched the format and that the invite was not two-sided, but more like a card, which was completely blank inside! Fighting my perfectionist tendencies, I wrote inside the card (that was supposed to be an invite) that the invite was not supposed to look like that. Still, I learned in 2024 that all things couldn’t be perfect and that instead of spending additional time and money to fix my errors, I was sending them out as is and was going to spend that time with my sweet kids instead.
  3. My mother has been battling Alzheimer’s disease for the past 10 years. This will be the first Christmas that she’s been in a memory care facility. There are many times during the week when I long to hear her voice. I cry for the loss of the mom I once had and for this insidious disease that’s taken her from me. That is all true, and what’s also true is that I brought baby Beau to see her this past week, dressed him up like Santa, and he took his first steps (with a walker) in front of my mom, who burst out in cheers. I can experience grief and joy at the same time, and I know many of you can relate to this delicate balance.

Life is not perfect. We will stumble along the way. Our joy during the holidays can be very high, while we can also feel deep pain and sorrow. My hope for everyone this holiday season is that we can take the good with the bad, embrace imperfection, and commit to doing the next best thing for us. Remember, it’s OK not to be perfect, especially during the holidays.