September 9, 1996

A few months ago I realized I needed to seek medical help for my eating disorder, bulimia. But the more I thought about it, the more impossible it seemed that anyone could help me. I had no hope and absolutely no faith that I could overcome my eating disorder. After all, I had wasted and ruined the last four years of my life, didn’t I? I’d been so obsessed with myself and trying to escape my problems with a temporary solution that I was so unhappy. I was addicted to my eating disorder and thought that there was no hope in anyone being able to help me. I would be a terrible, miserable, worthless sinner forever.

Then something changed. One night, as I was feeling so depressed and so alone, a dear friend encouraged me to pray and to read my scriptures. I thought to myself "no way," like this will really do anything for me. But then I decided that it couldn’t hurt me. So I knelt on my knees and cried to the Lord. I told him how worthless and hopeless I felt and that I didn’t know what to do with myself. Then I pleaded with him to comfort me. I asked that if there was any way that I could find someone to help me to please let me find them. I expressed the feelings of doubt and hopelessness I felt about the possibility, but I did know that He knew all things. For the first time, I had a slight ounce of hope and faith that night. I was totally relying on the Lord to save me from my darkness and hopelessness. Before I even ended my prayer, I started to feel a warm and comforting feeling and I strangely knew that there was hope, that everything would turn out okay, and that I would find help to overcome my bulimia. I thought that maybe there really would be a light at the end of the tunnel; the darkness would soon be gone.

Now that I have been going through therapy and inpatient treatment, I’ve learned that you have to have hope and faith in yourself and God. It’s the only way to win the battle. Without it you can never overcome any kind of obstacle. It is essential to have hope and faith in order to find true happiness. Believe in yourself. Believe in God. If you do that, you can overcome anything that stands in your way. I’ve been doing that, and because of that, I have found the light at the end of the tunnel. Now I must venture into the light to continue my journey with hope that brings happiness.