San Diego, California -- Think for a moment...do you truly want to live? This question can be very difficult for a person with an eating disorder to answer. Their self-hatred is so intense that they would rather die than gain weight. I know... I am anorexic. I am one of them. For the last twelve years I have deliberated the above question.
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I was fighting a losing battle. My army reserves were depleted and I was contemplating surrendering and accepting failure. I was exhausted from the uphill struggle and I continually found myself in a dark room with no known exit or source of light. My ever-weakening body clung on to the last whisps of endurance that my weary soul tried hopelessly to generate from nothing.
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It's been a long road. A long, bumpy, torn up road, but I've made it. I have made it through the darkness and through the tunnel of despair. I am now ready to step out into the sunlight where I can see others, and most importantly, where I can see me. I can't say that it hasn't been hard, or that I haven't stumbled countless times.
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This is a rare and unusual story – a true story about a girl with whom I became close friends, and who I later observed and supported as she made significant life changes in treatment for her eating disorder at Center for Change. Except for our prior friendship, this unique experience together would not have been possible given the importance of proper boundaries in clinical settings.
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I came to Center for Change because I knew I needed help and treatment through inpatient care to overcome my bulimia. I realized that I couldn’t overcome it on my own, but was very skeptical about checking in. As I look back over the last 6 weeks, I remember all the mixed feelings, trials, experiences, and people that affected me while I’ve been here.
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